nice guys finish last

If Only

2011-03-31T23:59:00.000-07:00

If only you knew how terrified i am

I Wish ...

2011-03-27T09:09:00.000-07:00

... you would realize that you always make my day

我

2011-03-13T22:43:00.000-07:00

在等你好起来

(Enter Title Here)

2011-03-03T02:51:00.000-08:00

Isn't it amazing how a person who was once just a stranger, means the world to you

(Enter Title Here)

2011-03-01T05:28:00.000-08:00

It's hard to find someone who knows your everything and love you anyway.

Goodbye

2011-01-12T04:32:00.000-08:00

Rain

2011-01-04T02:27:00.000-08:00

Lately I don't know why, I always find myself standing under the rain. Maybe it's because no one would know I'm crying.

Have U Ever

2010-06-16T06:28:00.000-07:00

Have you ever confuse about whether the world around you changes or the only thing that changes was you?

Me(lost count)

2010-05-10T08:30:00.000-07:00

I listen to friends around me;
who listen to me?

I Thought

2010-04-04T09:49:00.000-07:00

I thought i were near all those time but actually i was miles away.

I miss you

2009-11-17T07:02:00.000-08:00

离开不会太悲伤
有些心情该释放
直到眼泪它自己落下
才发现骗不了自己
其实很爱你

现在学着去遗忘
躲开有你的地方
回忆被谁放在书架上
把他从最高的地方落下

感动越是深刻
寂寞就越伤人喔
每个人的心里都
会有一段伤痕

梦

2009-10-30T23:54:00.001-07:00

我其实很明白梦醒了就不在
只是还挣扎着不让他离开
紧紧抓着的也都是空白

Birthday

2009-10-12T09:26:00.000-07:00

My birthday wish this year is to wish that SHE can have another wish.

It Sang Like This

2009-10-12T03:28:00.000-07:00

我以為
品冠

妳曾說不想有天讓我知道　
妳對他　有那麼好
妳說會懂　我的失落　
不是靠寬容　就能夠解脫

我以為我出現的時候剛好　
妳和他　正說要分開
我以為妳　已對他不再期待　
不縱容他　再給妳傷害

我以為我的溫柔　能給妳整個宇宙　
我以為我能全力　填滿妳感情的缺口
專心陪在妳左右　彌補他一切的錯　
也許我太過天真　以為奇蹟會發生

他讓妳紅了眼眶　妳卻還笑著原諒
原來妳早就想好妳要留在誰的身旁
我以為我夠堅強　卻一天天的失望
少給我一點希望　希望就不是奢望

我以為終究妳會慢慢明白　
他的心　已不在妳身上
我的關心　妳依然無動於衷　
我的以為　只是我以為

Grief

2009-09-30T07:29:00.000-07:00

it isn't just death we have to grieve. It's life... it's loss... it's change. And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad...the thing we have to try to remember is that it can turn on a dime...

That's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much which makes you can't breathe, that's how you survive... grief comes in its own time for everyone...in its own way. So the best we can do...the best anyone can do, is try for honesty..the very worst part of grief, is that you can't control it. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes... and let it go when we can. the very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again and always, every time.. it takes your breath away.

Say it

2009-09-27T10:35:00.000-07:00

did you say it? i love u,i don ever wanna live without u,u changed my life. did u say it? make a plan, set a goal, work towards it. but every now and again, look around...drink it in, coz this is it. it might all be gone tomorrow

Trauma

2009-09-25T10:44:00.000-07:00

Trauma messes everybody up.maybe that.s the point. all the pain and the fear and the crap..maybe going through all that is what keeps us moving foward.it what pushes us.maybe we mus get a little messed up before we can step up

The Square Root of 3

2009-07-27T11:01:00.000-07:00

I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three
A three is all that's good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath a vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic
I know I'll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three
Has quietly come waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds
And with a wave of magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued
And love for me has been renewed.

(From the movie, "Harold and Kumar")
Lame but cool..LOL

For Your Eye Only

2009-04-29T04:21:00.000-07:00

It’s been quite some time since I talked to you. I really miss the days when we always hang out talking and laughing at each other. Lately I have no more reason to find you anymore. Sometime when I think of you and I feel like finding you, I always hesitate, I don’t want to be some kind of annoyance for you. Last time every day I always look forward to the evening where I have the reason to find you and we can cooked together.

Somehow I know I still have feelings for you inside me. Sometime when I saw you, I just cannot take my eyes of f you. But I understand those feelings will find itself ending one-sided. Maybe someday those feelings will fade away slowly. As the day goes by, when I think of you, I will always listen to Leona Lewis – Here I Am. The song shows all the things I want you to know and it will remind me that we are always friends.

Looking back on the days when I started to know you until now. I figure I wouldn’t be the guy I’m now if isn’t for you. You really taught me a lot, from being a good friend to being a good cook.  Just want to say thanks for making me a better guy in all the ways. I never regret meeting you. You will always be a star for me, too far to reach but no harm to wish on.

Guess here is how I conclude everything of my feelings.

HER (10)

2009-03-31T23:23:00.000-07:00

This is a crazy world
These can be lonely days
It's hard to know who's on your side
Most of the time

Who can you really trust
Who do you really know
Is there anybody out there
Who can make you feel less alone
Sometimes you just can't make it on your own

If you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend
When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am

If you have broken dreams
Just lay them all on me
I'll be the one who understands
So take my hand

If there is emptiness
You know I'll do my best
To fill you up with all the love
That I can show someone
I promise you you'll never walk alone

Well if you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
Well I'll always be your friend
When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you here I am

Everybody needs somebody who
They can pour their heart and soul into

Well if you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend
When you need a shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am

ME (14)

2009-03-29T01:28:00.000-07:00

I notice she doesn’t really want to talk to me lately. Maybe I think too much but the feeling is so real and it gets me every time she looks away from me. I just should have known that she will avoid me in some way because I let her know about my feeling and people around must be saying a lot of things to her. I wish I can apologize to her for that. For making her so uncomfortable. If she really doesn’t wish to see me, I’m willing to go away. I’m sure I can endure the pain. I already lost count how many times this thing happened to me.

I know after all the things I did for her and still cannot touch her. Maybe she doesn’t meant for me. Maybe I should learn to forget her.

ME (13)

2009-03-19T05:55:00.000-07:00

It’s been quite some time since I told her my feeling. I didn’t push it or anything because I know now is not the best timing.

Recently, I know she is quite moody so I figured that maybe I could do something to cheer her up or at least make her smile. I drew a few pages of comic of the conversation which we had before and made it into a booklet and gave her. She told me she likes it a lot and she called me a good friend. Although I don’t really like the good-friend thing but what to do right? At least I reached my purpose which is making her smile. Although drawing those comic took me few days time to complete it but thinking about those comic that can make her smile will make everything worth doing.

Yesterday, some friend of hers asked her to go clubbing. At first she didn’t want to go but she couldn’t reject. I was kind of worried so I decided to follow. So I went up to those friends and ask whether I can follow or not, they kind of ignored what I’ve said. Figure as so that I know they wouldn’t want me to go because one of their friend likes her too, who was also going that night. I didn’t know what to do and I know I had to go because she didn’t know anyone there except that guy there. I knew if she want to go home earlier, she had a problem. I went up to my housemates and borrowed car to go by myself. One of my housemate was nice enough to accompany me.
After that, I sent her back earlier. I didn’t regret doing all those so called thick-face thing where I went without them inviting me.

I’m not trying to prove anything by doing all those things and sacrificing for her. I’m just trying to make sure she is happy and safe. Maybe I wish we can be more than friends someday but that’s not what I can control. Jus wait and see what God has in store for me.

ME (12)

2009-02-26T06:28:00.000-08:00

Lately I know she already has a lot of problems of her own to think about. For now, it seems like I’m her only friend around her who she can really talk to with her problems. It’s hard seeing her with all her burden and I can’t do anything to help.

Although I always wish to let her know about my feeling and hope maybe can change the thing between us. But I know after she knows about my feeling, she won’t talk to me about all your problems anymore. And after that all she does is hiding everything to yourself.

What I can do now is staying with her listening to everything she says and be her friend.

Maybe one day she will understand how I feel.

ME (11)

2009-02-15T18:54:00.000-08:00

盼不到我爱的人
我知道我愿意再等
疼不了爱我的人
片刻柔情它骗不了人
我不是无情的人
却将你伤的最深
我不忍我不能
别再认真
忘了我的人
离不开我爱的人
我知道爱需要缘分
放不下爱我的人
因为了解他多么认真
为什么最真的心
碰不到最好的人
我不问我不能
拥在怀中
直到他变冷

爱我的人为我痴心不悔
我却为我爱的人甘心一生伤悲
在乎的人始终不对
谁对谁不必虚伪
爱我的人为我付出一切
我却为我爱的人流泪狂乱心碎
爱与被爱同样受罪
为什么不懂拒绝痴情的包围

ME (10)

2009-01-07T01:18:00.000-08:00

I’m quiet staying beside you as I always make sure you are happy;
Just like the air floating around you.
While everyone is busy laughing and having so much fun,
Maybe just a smile at my face at the corner.
Stealing a glance at you, the way you laugh and smile .

You always like to fill me up with the happy moments with him,
And I always like my calm take over me as I pretend I’m fine.
I know I’m always a side actor acting in those unimportant moments
I really wish one day I will have the very big moment of us in your life
If you could hear the sound of heartbroken,
If you could hear the sound of missing someone,
You would hear me.

ME (9)

2008-12-10T05:35:00.000-08:00

It’s been a few times I text her after she left miri but she never reply. Wondering what keep her so busy at the moment. Or maybe there is something to do with me and she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, or I’m thinking too much again? Haha. Oh well.

ME (8)

2008-11-29T07:36:00.001-08:00

It’s been around more than a week since I last saw her and I know I won’t be seeing her for this 3 months. I’m starting to miss her. In the night when everything starts quiet down, I know I will start thinking about her, wanting to know what’s she doing right there, wanting to feel her close to me somehow. But I know I have no reason to do all those so just let those empty thoughts fill my nights.

Good night……

ME (7)

2008-11-16T06:40:00.001-08:00

I’m afraid every time friends talk about you because I know I will be thinking of you from that moment on.

I’m afraid every time when I’m so free I will start wondering what are you doing there and feel like seeing you.

I’m afraid every time friends ask me about me treating you better because I don’t want you to know about my feelings, I don’t want to change anything between us.

I’m afraid every time I start thinking about you because I know you won’t be in my life starting from that moment.

I’m afraid every time when you start treating me weird as if you know the way I feel for u because I know I fall for a wonderful girl who I cannot have.

I’m afraid every time the air starts to get very quiet because I can hear the sound of missing someone.

I’m afraid I cannot see you.

ME (6)

2008-11-06T01:37:00.001-08:00

Spending my gloomy day with my lectures notes, lying on my bed. Suddenly she flew into my head, felt like talking to her but I couldn’t a reason to do so. So ended up instead of me reading my lecture notes, my lecture notes is trying to read my thinking-of-her face.

After awhile, I gave it a try on texting her although I know she either will takes years to reply or no reply at all. Waiting for her to reply just seem to be forever though just a few minutes. LOL.

While waiting, I get my head back on reading my notes. Just before my eyelids fall, a familiar sound from phone grabbed my attention. It was her.

HER (9)

2008-11-01T12:33:00.001-07:00

I miss her a little, I guess you could say a little too much, a little too often, and a little more each day.

HER (8)

2008-10-28T08:08:00.000-07:00

My phone rang and grabbed me out from my dream. She called. When I answered, she asked me to wake up. Suddenly I remember that I asked her to wake me up to study yesterday night.

It’s just nice to hear her voice in the morning. Before you open your eyes, her voice will always placate you. Somehow, I just wish that she can be the one waking me up everyday. But I know the one she will be waking him up is not me.

He is the luckiest guy in this world.

HER (7)

2008-10-27T02:50:00.001-07:00

The familiar icon popped up and grabbed my attention away from the lecture notes I was reading. An incoming message. It was her. I was kind of surprised that she would have initiated. She said she was bored and we had a little chat. Although the conversation was short but it did clear my head for a moment. Later on she left me alone to study because I have exams coming soon.

When the conversation had ended, I felt a flow of relief. Somehow, all the worries and fears for my coming exams had been calmed by the conversation.

THEM (3)

2008-10-26T09:12:00.000-07:00

The moment she told me about the things that she is doing for him, I smelled ‘ouch’ somewhere in me. But there is nothing I can do besides just enduring what’s coming.

It’s painful to just sitting beside someone you love knowing that you can’t have her.

ME (5)

2008-10-23T09:05:00.000-07:00

I thought as the time goes by and I can discover some bad things about her, and maybe that way is easier for me to forget her someday. Instead, as time goes, I realize that she is better than what I know her. Goodness. I’m falling deeper and deeper on something which won’t end up well.

ME (4)

2008-10-21T10:41:00.000-07:00

Tonight I have a lot of thoughts in my junky head. I tried to get myself on to study but always get distracted somehow. I think of her. Staring at her name in my msn, wanting to find her but I have no reason to do so. Sitting at my noisy chair and start thinking about her.

Today when I reached her house for cooking, she started telling me what is going on around her and stuff. She said she is going back home for the coming free week and she had booked the ticket. I can see from her face that she is very happy to be back at home where she can plays with her favourite dog. And she said she scared her good friend hasn’t forgive her bf because yesterday she kind of cause them to quarrel. Of course she also told me how he comforted her on that for not feeling guilty. I know she treats me as a good friend where she can always tell me whatever is in her head. But somehow inside me being her good friend is not what I want, and yet she is attached. I know that I chose to stay beside her and be with her whenever she needs a friend will have this consequence but when it comes, it hurts. Somehow I have to be strong. Maybe I just shouldn’t think so much. Just make it simple is enough. As long as she is having a good and cheerful life is enough. With or without me is not a matter. Loving someone doesn’t always has to have that someone,right?
I don’t know.

I think I better get to bed now and stop thinking too much.

HER (6)

2008-10-18T10:10:00.001-07:00

Sometimes she likes to talk to me,
She can tell me everything happening in this world
Non-stop while I just sit there listening.

Sometimes she just doesn’t reply me in msn,
When I trying to talk to her in msn,
She can just let me wait for hours for her replies.

Sometimes she likes to disturb me,
She always likes to tease me and hit me on my arm;
And hurt her own hand coz I’m too skinny.LOL

Sometimes she just never reply my text,
That’s why I seldom text her,
Sometime I rather call her.

Sometimes she likes to make me laugh,
She always likes to say all those stewpid stuff,
And I get to follow along and become stewpid too.

Sometimes she can be so quiet with me.
Not even a noise…

But I just like being with her, no matter what she does on me.
A smile from her can just brings everything away.

HER (5)

2008-10-15T11:13:00.000-07:00

In this rainy night,
I think of you;
I wish to see you and hear your voice,
But I cannot find a reason for it.
I guess you must be talking with him all night,
I have no right to complain even though I mind.

In this sleepless night,
I wander around looking for something to do,
Eventually I found myself at the corner thinking about you;
..
….
…….
………..
……………..
……….
…..
..
Hope I find myself back to sleep,
Good Night.

ME(3)

2008-10-15T02:03:00.000-07:00

Everything I did for her is not worth it until I saw her smile.

NUMB

2008-10-12T09:38:00.000-07:00

I thought being a nice guy was very easy but somehow it just gets me. I’ve been close to her and I know she treats me as a very good friend. That night before my friend’s birthday, I went to her house and we made card together for our friend. When we were doing it, she told me a lot of the things happened around her. Yeah, she did. She told me a lot of how he treats her and how sweet they are everyday. I’m always a good listener, even when I have to endure all the pain. I know I cannot show my feeling because there is no point doing so. I just hope I can be with her when she needs someone. But being that guy is not easy. When staying so close and cannot even complain. Just have to swallow everything by myself. But I know I can do it. When I get use to it, I will realize that it’s not tat hard after all.

I just like it when she smiles. It just happens to make me forget everything. Everything.

HER (4)

2008-10-09T10:17:00.000-07:00

Today is a pleasant day although my heart aches sometime. But I’ll get use to it. As usual during 6pm, I walked over to her house for cook. Warm welcome. Haha. We always have a nice chat when we are cooking. I like to make her laugh where she couldn’t stop laughing. There is this side of her where she is so childish which makes me childish too being with her. I never realize that I actually do all those childish things and say all those stewpidest things with her. Haha.

I can see that she is very happy these days. The people in love are always full with joy. When she talks about him, she is always smiling and she can talk non-stop about him all day long.

Hmm.. As long as she is happy. I will be okay.

THEM (2)

2008-10-08T09:31:00.000-07:00

Tonight she told me all about her and him. I listened. I thought instead of giving her all the pressure of being myself, it’s best to just be her good friend and listen to all the things she wants to tell me. She told me there are guys who like her before giving her all the pressure after hearing the news that she is taken. It makes her frustrated sometime. Although I had heart ache listening to her talking all about her and him but I know she would be comfortable that way. I will get use to it sooner.

Seeing her happy is what makes this worth………

ME(2)

2008-10-07T09:54:00.002-07:00

I'm sorry for falling for you.
No matter how much I want it to stop,
it won't help.

ME

2008-10-07T09:54:00.001-07:00

I guess life is full of obstacles. I understand that God wants me to fall and learn to get up. Oh man, this is harder than all the assignment I did in school but I’m sure I can pass. Just need more time for me to deal with it.

Although sometime when we meet I have to hide all my feelings, but soon I will get use to it. At least when I’m alone in my room, there are spaces for me to let my feelings out. Haha. How funny that is.

I really don’t want to change anything between us now. Sometime I really scare maybe you really find out that I have feeling for you, it would spoil friendship.

THEM

2008-10-06T09:49:00.001-07:00

Life’s funny. I just wish the things would be different. When I was putting my heart on treating someone, things can goes the other way round and stop me. Why there is such an obstacle in my life? I’ve been there several times but it hurts like hell each time.
Maybe I just have to deal with it and be strong.

HER (3)

2008-10-05T08:58:00.001-07:00

Today when I stepped into the car I saw her cellphone’s wallpaper, there is a guy with her favourite dog there. For a moment, I was stunned. My head kept spinning. There are millions of questions popped up in my head. I’m scared. I scare those familiar feelings. There can just rip you off apart.

HER (2)

2008-10-03T10:26:00.000-07:00

I just gave her the card I made and a present for her birthday. I drew 5 pages of comic about the conversation we had before and put it in my card. I made it into a small book. Tonight we went out with another 2 friends for dinner. She told me she likes the comic a lot. That’s good. haha. I don’t know what reaction I should give. Pretty dumb eh?

I’m not sure whether she gets that I like her o not by the card and the present. I didn’t put anything or write anything inside the card which says I like her but maybe the card and the present itself already obvious enough. How many people would spend 4 days drawing a comic for u eh? How many people would go to stationary shop few times to look for the material for your card?

But tonight she treats me as usual. When there is joke, we laughed together. Let me think. Ermmm for a girl like her who has the whole world of guys chasing after her wouldn’t be that dumb not knowing that I like her??? Haha. If she knows that I like her, treating me normal is trying to tell me that she only wants us to be friends? Or wants to make sure am I really into her? Oh man. Maybe I should just stop thinking about all the ‘maybeS’ and ‘ifs’. Not-thinking-too much is never in my dictionary. Haha. Sometime I just can’t stop thinking about it. This so typical-andrew. Whenever I think of the time I had with her, it will just goes in a circle in my head.

Maybe I should just follow the flow and TRY not to think too much. Who knows what the future holds right? I should get to bed now. Haha!

HER

2008-09-25T10:46:00.000-07:00

In the journey of life, we always meet a few wrong people before the right one. But the question is when? Where? How? Those questions has been linger in my head for quite some time but never fail trusting God for preparing the right girl for me. Sometime curiosity just kills everything. Somehow I understand that God is preparing me to be a better man for all these single-life years. For the years, I went through failures, sadness, disappointment, nervous and all sorts of challenges and somehow they make me see those things that normally I won’t see if I haven’t gone through those. I’m glad that I learned a lot.

Lately, I met a girl. She is nice, polite, friendly, caring, nice, nice and nice. Now you see, I couldn’t stop complimenting her. Maybe you think I’m exaggerating. Or maybe you are right. But she gave me all sorts of feelings. She makes me happy, funny, noisy, angry, and embarrassed, the list goes on. She is not those girls I everyday see. She is nice to everyone, she cheers people up and you will never get bored around her and you can tell her millions of your stories while she will never get bored listening to you. There is one thing if her who attracts me the most is that I never see her complain on the things she doesn’t like. She never complains that she has to cook for her friends while she already had a whole day classes in school. She never complains that she has to do extra more work than other people. She never complains that she has to spend time teaching her course mates when she herself has a lot of homework to finish.

Somehow, somewhere she already stands a big space in my heart.

But I’m scared. The past is holding me off. She is so nice and I’m not sure whether she is the right one or not. Maybe she deserved a better guy. I’m scared of getting hurt again.